Shalmaneser Tarantis Lemming - WIP

Richard Lemming’s great-great-grandfather. Shalmaneser Lemming lived for an extraordinarily long time, likely over 100 years, before passing away in March of 2018.

As with most Lemmings, Shalmaneser found his place in society as a doctor and natural philosopher. Also true to his family traditions, Shalmaneser grew devious with age and hatched a plot to become rich and powerful: he would poison his entire village at night, and then rifle through all their houses during the day at his leisure. Shalmaneser brewed a cauldron of poisonous three bean salad, infected with rich-rash, and hauled it to the center of the village, where its toxic fumes could spread and do their work. Meanwhile, he set to work sealing the cracks in his doors and windows so he could sleep without dying himself.

Shalmaneser’s foul plot worked flawlessly and the entire village died in their sleep. Unfortunately for him, the local sheriff had been away from town attending family business, and returned to find Shalmaneser filling a sack with valuables. Shalmaneser Lemming was thrown into jail, due to be hanged, but no matter how many times the executioner tried, he found that the noose never completely killed him.

After leaving Shalmaneser hanging for three days and three nights, he appeared to have finally passed away, however the moment he was cut down he began to skittle away and broke into a sprint, outrunning his captors. Shalmaneser disappeared from history after these events, hiding from persecution, living on the edges of society. He taught all his children the value of running away from their problems.

Shalmaneser passed away on the 18th of March in 2018 from massive blood-loss as the result of a severe leach accident. Richard Lemming’s analysis of his great-great-grandfather’s genetic profile indicated that his long life was likely due to a random mutation which prevented the telomeres in his DNA from deforming over time, making him genetically immortal. The rest of his unnaturally long life can likely be attributed to his penchant for sprinting away from all conceivable forms of danger. It is unknown if the rest of the Lemming family possess this mutation, however it is likely an area of interest for Richard’s own genetic studies.