Vogel-Biss Test

Verbal and physical test administered on an individual in order to determine their position on the Lemming-Van Louen Morphogenetic Index.

Questions include:


 * To your knowledge, have you ever come in contact with The Bog?
 * How much diarrhea are you producing on a daily basis?
 * Answer yes or no: do you ever dream of burning cities? Piercing red eyes in a dark fog? Loved ones scrambling from their graves reformed into twisted assemblages of jagged bone and rotting meat?
 * Do you sometimes feel as though you are viewing yourself through the eyes of someone else?
 * Do you find your skin to be slowly turning into iron plating or tree bark?
 * What is your favorite season of Professor Baby?
 * On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is no desire at all and 10 is very highly desires, how much do you desire to to abandon your current life and become an organ, like a lung or a kidney, inside of a creature physically larger than yourself?
 * Do you weep for lobsters, crabs, shrimp, or prawns?
 * If you had to guess, how many individual atoms make up your own body? Be specific.
 * Have you come to the conclusion recently that you are trapped on the wrong side of a mirror, and tried to climb through the mirror as a result? Did you succeed?

Physical tests include:


 * Locking the subject in the room with a hidden diaper (which they are not told about), and timing how long it takes them to locate the diaper on their own.
 * Prodding a subject’s blood sample with a hot wire
 * Milk submersion
 * The tester repeatedly claims that the subject does not exist, or that the tester is in fact the subject. The tester will mime out all the subject’s actions and try to talk over them.
 * The subject is blindfolded and asked to count a number of small objects without touching them