Rita The Talking Dinosaur WIP

A self-aware talking cow who makes money doing stand up comedy routines throughout The Bog. Rita does not consider herself a dinosaur, but according to her, “It's all in the name”.

200 years ago, while she was grazing in a field, Rita was struck by a bolt of red lightning originating from an indeterminate realm. The bolt exploded her and killed her, but over the course of the next 48 hours she would slowly reform from a drop of her blood which struck a rock that a virgin a century prior had placed with its point facing north. The drop of blood erupted into a pustule, which eventually grew into a skeleton with an attached muscular and circulatory system. Rita rose up upon two legs and sprinted into the nearby woods where she eventually grew into a form not unlike her old one, a regular cow.

However, Rita had been reborn, sporting a set of full lips and human vocal cords. Rita came upon the necromancer Quanir Bone-seer feasting on the corpse of a recent sacrifice. Quanir taught Rita to speak and raised her with a love of comedy, and sent her out into the world on her own. Rita went on to speak of her adoptive parent, saying “I love Quanir as a child loves a parent, they protected me and taught me all I know. I owe them my life, truly--however, I was not blind to the darkness in them. I feel as though I was brought up with a sinister purpose I have yet to fulfill.”

Rita is best known for her “I'm a hamburger!” routine, which once filled an entire stadium to the brim with laugh-diarrhea, drowning everyone in the lower levels.