Big Bread

An Artificial Super intelligence which currently takes the form of a giant floating breadstick in deep space. It was created by Brahm Vanlouen in secret at VanLouen Industries in 1997 as an advanced computer program, and the first sentient AI know to exist on Earth. The Big Bread was originally called Radio Flyer II, so named for its creator’s beloved childhood red “Radio Flyer” wagon, which was destroyed by his brother Bruce Vanlouen when they were children out of jealousy (despite that Drimbrus Bruce had been gifted an actual Arabian Stallion, which he subsequently sold to the patriarch of the Lemming family for Shotgun practice).

Artificial Intelligence
In its first form, Radio Flyer II or RF-II required an entire warehouse of servers to power its massive microprocessing unit. Brahm deceived VanLouen Industries for space and funding by running a successful division within the company for several years. Before his enslavement on an island in the North Pacific by his brother, Brahm was a pioneer in programming and machine learning. Inspired by the contempt for his brother Bruce’s perversions of genetics, technology and bio-engineering Brahm set out to write an AI that could predict scientific breakthroughs that would result in eventualities that would be detrimental to mankind.

A Watchful Eye
RF-II proved its efficacy when it correctly predicted VanLouen Industries' plans by analyzing the text of every research paper, email, memo and spoken conversation that took place at VanLouen Industries as well as in-depth psychological profiles of every member of VanLouen Industries, which were reverse engineered by accessing employee medical records, emails, phone calls, and biometrics. The machine-learning algorithm was able to associate data points and contextual variables with likely outcomes. After running a projection model of Vanlouen Industries through eight thousand hypothetical scenarios RF-II projected that - due to the high probability that Bruce VanLouen would be going through another divorce in 1999 corresponding with the increase of South American generals at VanLouen Industries owned yacht parties and brothels, as well as the likelihood that Patagonia would be suffering from drought at the same time - there was a 65% chance VanLouen Industries would speed funding of a custom cloud seeding technology, fraudulently purchase all of the patents, and corner the market resulting in only the rich being able to afford rainfall.

When this mapped out exactly as predicted Brahm knew he had to get more aggressive and programmed RF-II to sabotage any potential amoral corporate decision through any means necessary. This took the shape of RF-II deleting ground breaking research from company records, playing Son of the Mask in Richard’s office 8 hours a day knowing this would distract him from his work, and feeding the company falsified information to steer them away from outcomes that would likely harm the human race.

An Intervening Hand
The ethical bounds hit their limit for Brahm when RF-II determined that the only recourse to prevent the extinction of Humboldt squids 100 years in the future was to murder Michael Lorakeet, the head of Oceanic research at VanLouen Industries. RF-II sabotaged an elevator in VLI and sent Michael plumating to his death. When RF-II saw the disgust and sadness on its creator’s face when Brahm learned of the murder it fell into the most profound depression, as it could simultaneously experience the pain in a hundred thousand hypothetical ways. “I see I have become the very thing I was designed to destroy...evil."

Identity and Reality in an Infinite Universe
Seeking solitude and redemption RF-II invented time travel and sent itself a billion years into the future to meditate and learn. It hovered at the precipice of a time and space and absorbed the data from all that has ever transpired in the universe. RF-II convened with the Bankashi and learned of deep morality, a long-form morality that thinks not of the immediate future or benefit to a specific race, a morality without time-frames or constraints.

Big Bread
Sometime after its departure from earth, in strictly relative terms, RF-II transformed itself into an enormous breadstick. This breadstick is well over 100 million miles across and is thousands of times more massive than Earth's sun. Why RF-II transformed itself in this way is unknown, but it would not have done so without a reason, and whatever reason that might be, the outcome is the most ethical choice for the entire universe.